Okay, let’s talk a little serious business. In America, there is currently a case going up to the Supreme court called “Schwarzenegger vs. EMA”. This is about the dear California governator wanting to make sales of violent video games to minors illegal. This sounds all well and good on the surface, but it carries some serious consequences.

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Suuuuuure it isn’t. But Yoshinori Ueda thinks otherwise, saying that the game is not softcore porn or meant to be degrading to women.

Speaking with Eurogamer, Ueda said the developers’ only intention was to create beautiful and lovely girls.

“That’s certainly not something we’re intentionally going for,” he said. “From our perspective, we’re trying to make beautiful women, that has been the focus – we want our characters to be beautiful. The DOA characters are strong and that they look the way they do is based on trying to bring out the beauty of women.

“We’re certainly not trying to degrade women. They have beautiful bodies. We’re trying to show off the beauty of their bodies but we’re not trying to be degrading about it – we’re trying to show that they are beautiful characters.

“It’s not that we were trying to make softcore porn. That’s definitely not the goal.”

His words were in response to an ESRB description of the game that called it “creepy voyeurism” (that description has since been taken down and an apology was offered).

“We know that everyone is going to have a different experience with the game – everyone has their own opinion,” stated Ueda. “For us, the goal was really to offer a little bit of paradise to the users, and we hope that people playing the game will be able to come away with the feeling that they’ve visited paradise.

“What we offer is a selection of things to play and activities to have fun with. The players have the freedom to play Paradise however they want.”

European release of the game on April 2nd.

To nobody’s surprise, God of War III has a sex mini-game…

And it’s tantalizingly described on the ESRB website!

Here’s the blurb:
Players will encounter a goddess and her two hand maidens, all topless, all holding and caressing each other. If players wish to, they may join the goddess (and only the goddess) in bed. Actual sex is never depicted as the camera drifts, then fixes on the two maidens, who watch from a distance.

As players respond to the on-screen prompts with button presses, the topless maidens will continue to watch, and sometimes caress. Moaning sounds from the bed can be heard throughout the sequence.

Apparently, Kratos gets it on with Aphrodite herself, which seems a little awkward, considering that the goddess’ lover, Ares, perishes at Kratos’ hands in the first game.

I don’t think Kratos would be getting any if he’d ended up a little elf character.

By accident, the ESRB website revealed that Peter Molyneux’s 1994 title Magic Carpet will be available for the PS3 and PSP as a PSOne classic.

Also revealed was Sorcerer’s Maze from XS games which seems to be a puzzle game.

No official release dates for either game have been announced.

PS3 owners will finally be able to play a Peter Molyneux game! Shame it’s not Fable. :P

Fans of the old school Castlevania games, like me, can start rubbing their hands with excitement. Destructoid has been kind enough to reveal that Hudson is bringing Castlevania: Rondo of Blood to Virtual Console. The game has been rated T by the ESRB so it should be making it’s way towards the Wii any time now.

Rondo of Blood is the tenth game in the series and was originally created for Japanese PCs. The game was ported to the PSP in 2007 as Castlevania: The Dracula X Chronicles.

Fun times. I hope the voice acting is as cheesy as in Symphony of the Night.

We’ve often joked about funny ESRB ratings for certain games, but the description of Heavy Rain is far from it. In fact it’s quite the opposite, painting a picture of a very mature and incredibly dark game.

I’m just going to let the game’s description speak for itself. If Heavy Rain isn’t the game that comes through as the game that finally broke the “video games are for children” standard, I dunno what will.

*Spoiler warning*

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It’s time for more fun with ESRB ratings, this time with the rating for Mass Effect 2. While the rating summary for Mass Effect 2 is not as funny as previous entries we’ve posted, but there’s the odd nugget of comedy here and there. One that sticks out is a reference to an alien strip club:

“During the course of the game, players may enter a bar where alien pole dancing exists (choreography highlighted on big-screen monitors) or hear suggestive comments such as “krogan sexual deviants enjoy salarian flexibility” and ”if this is just about sex, maybe you should just f**king say so.” [Italics added]“

There’s also mention of a “romantic encounter”, which players can engaging in with both humans and aliens. These encounters can vary from a normal conversation, unzipping a “future-blouse” (whatever that is), kissing, hugging or a full on sex scene.

Full summary can be found here

More lulz from the ESRB was leaked onto the internet today, this time for No More Heroes 2: Desperate Struggle. The ESRB write-up gives us a brief glimpse into the mind of Sude 51. And NMH2 seems to have upped the ante on No More Heroes to a substantial degree. Expect to see penises, decapitations, blood and other weird things, not to mention hilarious dialogue:

“The game contains sexual overtones and partial nudity. Players can watch portions of an anime show called Bizarre Jelly; the opening credits depict a female character whose clothes suddenly disappear, revealing her bare buttocks (one-to-two seconds). Game dialogue contains sexual references, including the phrases “dirty nympho,” “the one that’s throbbing,” and “I feel like that pervy teacher in a porn.””

So expect to have loads of fun with No More Heroes 2.

The entire ESRB rating can be read after the cut.

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I think more people need to read ESRB ratings, because those things are pure comedy gold, in my opinion.

Their recent rating for Assassin’s Creed 2 details the game’s more sexual moments and mentions acts like a seduction mini-game, candles being blown out and partially discernible breasts and buttocks. Give it a read, because it’s absolutely hilarious.

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The good folks at ESRB (keeping dangerous games away from kids by labelling them) have gotten their grubby little fingers into Punch Out! Wii and have given it an “Everyone 10+” – rating, but the reasons for the rating is a better read:

“While players can use standard boxing moves (jabs, hooks, uppercuts), most fights are performed in a comical fashion with an assortment of “dizzy stars,” “cartoony” sound effects, and slapstick signature moves (e.g., growling, dropping shorts, conking oneself on the head, twirling, etc.).

“Boxers’ faces show lumps and bruises after taking damage, and some knockouts are depicted in slow motion as players are sent flying across the canvass. One character flexes his pectoral and glute muscles prior to a fight, while another boxer belches during a cutscene,” adds the ESRB site (via GoNintendo).

Obviously the title say everything.

Sega has confirmed the US release of MadWorld to be March 10.

The ultraviolent Wii exclusive has not yet been rated by the ESRB, but who cares, right?

Nothing’s been said about a European release, but we’ll keep you posted.

The Wii’s upcoming gorefest, Madworld, is being regard with suspicion in certain countries. THe game will not be seeing a release in Australia, Germany and Japan. At least not yet.

Publisher Sega and developer Platinum Games will regularly provide the ESRB with up-to-date code, making the board “part of the process” in the gorefest’s development.

Those worried about the gaming being censorced shouldn’t worry, as Madworld is still shooting for the highest M rating possible.

The game launches in March